Lisa's World Of Tom-Effery
by Foolsgold Fenrir
Summary: Lisa takes her older sisters and brother on adventures all over the world and universe to learn some messed up things. Some useful things... and other types of things.


_**(A/N): Another one done just for fun, this time based on both The Magic School Bus and the series based off of that called What The F 101. I would like to thank Takaluca for really helping me out here, with his knowledge on the subjects described in this chapter. It's really quite interesting, in my opinion.**_

* * *

It was a Saturday morning when this adventure began. Normally, the Louds would be fast asleep, enjoying their brief break from school. Not this time, though. Instead, they were in Lisa and Lily's room, sitting in front of desks facing a whiteboard, grumbling about being tired and not wanting to be there. Well, 4 of them anyway - Lynn, Luan, Lori and Lana. The room was prepped up to look like a classroom, and on the board was written "Saturday School."

Yep, Rita and Lynn Sr. were worried about the kids' performance at school, so they wanted them to have Lisa give them tutoring sessions during the weekend. The kids complained, so to reach a compromise, Lisa agreed that she would try to make it at least a little bit fun. But, they never specified what kind of "fun" she had in store. Especially not when she had finished building and testing a teleportation device that could transport anyone to any given time and/or place. And of course, she had other devices to aid in making things interesting.

Lisa walked into the room confidently and seemingly even happy, despite not being too happy about waking up early either. Given that the last time she tried to teach them during a Saturday class, all 10 of them proved to be too much for her to handle. Dirty jokes and drawings, and just not getting work done in general. That incident was a _nightmare _for Lisa, but this time, she had a different approach in mind. Instead of 10, she only let in 4 siblings per turn. She knew it meant she'd also have to teach again later on in the day but with the other 4, but it was worth it if it meant limiting the distractions.

"Hey look, the nerd showed up to bless our day with her _lisp._" Lynn said.

"Don't make fun of her like that, you ballerina." Lori warned, looking up from her phone.

"Oh come on, if this is about my ballet class, you know I only do that so that I'd be more fit and agile for my sports. Football requires it!"

"Uh huh, sure thing, girly."

Lynn stood up and picked up her chair and raised it above her head. Lori responded by picking up her own chair and getting into a fighting stance.

"Hey, Lynn, Lori, enough!" Lisa barked, taking out a laser gun and shooting directly between them. A burning hole was left in the back wall where the laser hit. Luan and Lana whipped their heads around to see what was going on. Everyone froze up in shock and fear for a few moments. After that died down, they turned back to Lisa.

"Greetings, siblings. This is, of course, not your first Saturday tutoring session, but the last time was a disaster, so we will be starting fresh." Lisa said calmly. She put the laser gun down on her desk and moved towards the whiteboard, holding a pointer. "And today, we will be learning about some of the most interesting civilizations from all over the world in the past!"

The others started grumbling, saying it was too early for history, among other things.

"Oh, and I didn't even mention the best part about all this. We're not going to simply be sitting here, we will actually go on a trip around the world, through space and time!" Lisa took out a small round orb-like device and pushed a button. A blue and green portal looking like a globe appeared next to her. The other Louds didn't even have enough time to be shocked before getting promptly sucked in. The portal then disappeared.

_Athens, Ancient Greece - 450 B.C._

"Wow, what was that?!" Lori shrieked, still shocked along with everyone else about what just happened. "What is this?!"

"Sis, I think you might wanna ask _where _we are." Lynn said. "Where the hell are we?"

They looked on their surroundings. People walking with sandals and white towels, constructions of white material, and more buildings in taller spots, like they were on the side of a mountain. They looked at themselves, they were wearing a similar attire.

"I am glad to introduce you to the Ancient Greece. Most precisely, the city-state of the we'll know Athens, named in honor of its goddess of wisdom, handicraft, and warfare."

Lori took in her surroundings, growing more and more impressed by the second. "Holy … oh my God… A-Ancient Greece, for real? I've heard so much about this place, it's all so impressive, the buildings, the development to its time...it's so beautiful. They were more developed than some of us." She started to gush, only to look over and notice Lana picking her nose and eating the boogers.

"Eeeugh, that's disgusting! People thousands of years ago didn't do that!" Lori said, cringing and moving away.

Lisa chuckled at that statement. "Oh, you have no idea what you four are in for."

"Excuse me, what? You'll tell me the Greeks aren't developed?" Lori complained.

"In no way I could. However, your so called 'development' is much different than what you are used to."

"What are you talking about?" Lori asked and narrowed her eyes.

"As you may understand, the Greece from our present is thousands of years away from us. So, for instance, you'd imagine their lavatory would be similar?"

"Oh, we're talking about bathrooms already? This'll be fun." Lana mused.

"Uh well, no, but…" Lori trailed off, afraid of her answer.

"Wow, Lori got tense. Gotta _relief?_" Luan laughed. "Haha, get it?"

All of the others just groaned. "Despite of unnecessary and childish dirty humor, let me introduce you to a typical public bathroom of Athens."

She guided them inside a building, nobody seeming to care much. Inside, there were a couple ladies seated in a wooden bench, which extended all across the wall, with several holes in it. Not to mention, there were no divisions between the holes.

"Inventions such as sewage, toilets and lavatory tissues are only going to be invented much further in our history. So, all of our excremental material, mostly urine and feces, are deposited in one of these establishments."

"Wow, must be embarrassing having to go in front of everyone else too." Lynn said, looking back at the bench.

"As they were used to it, and there weren't experienced without this exposure, it wasn't much. Those who didn't use it would just use a urinal at their proper houses."

"Wait, what's that?" Lana pointed to a bucket with something coming out of it.

"I dunno, looks weird." Lynn said, picking the thing up and examining it. "Some kind of sponge or something."

"Oh, yes, that's their primitive measure of hygiene of the areas of excremental liberation, mostly the genitalia and the gluteus. It stays in a solution of dihydrogen monoxide and sodium chloride. The end in which lays the exemplar of a sponge is used to clean whatever remains are in your body, before being put back for the next person."

Lisa noticed Lynn not listening to her, still examining the object. "Also, I wouldn't recommend holding the side which people clean their butts on."

"Wait what?! Eww!" Lynn dropped the sponge back into the bucket and wiped her hand on her shorts.

"Wait...why can't we have one of those back home?" Lana asked.

"Because it's literally disgusting." Lori said, pushing the group outside of the bathroom in a hurry. "And so is everything else in here."

"It is also quite unsanitary for obvious reasons, when compared to our development state. But back in this time, it was quite effective." Lisa then looked up, and backed up a bit. "Eldest sibling, step back!"

"What? Why-" just then, she felt something hitting her from above. It was a brown mixture of solid and liquid substances.

"I forgot to mention, as there isn't any sewage for the dejectes to go, people who use the urinal at home usually dispose their materials through their windows right into the street."

"Okay, that's it, Ancient Greece literally sucked, I don't wanna be here anymore!" Lori said while frantically trying to get rid of the stuff that just landed on her.

"This place is really _awesome! _Totally worth getting up early for this." Lana said, grinning ear to ear.

"How can you want to be here?! Ugh! Aren't there any less disgusting people? Like the Romans or something?"

"Hmm, quite interesting you mentioned the Romans."

"Yes, can we please just get out of this disgusting place? Anywhere but here!"

"Okay, but as the saying goes, be careful what you wish for." Lisa clicked on the orb button and they disappeared again.

_Roman Empire - 300 B.C._

Their vision wasn't much different from before. Big buildings of concrete, a fountain nearby, and their clothes, instead of all blank, had a variation of that color with other fabrics, same color as they usually wear.

"Okay...I swear if someone else poops on me!-"

"Negative, sibling. By this time, the Romans have developed one of the first systems of sewage to dispose of our excremental material in the nearest water fluid."

Lori sighed in relief (no pun intended). "Oh thank God, finally some people more civilized." She looked at her clothes, white with light blue. "And with more fashion as well."

"That being said, there were many other practices going on in the Roman Empire that would be considered 'gross' by our standards."

"Hey, is it just me, or does it smell funny in here?" Lana asked, searching for a source of bad smell.

"Ah, yes. You may have noticed something peculiar about what the Ancient Romans chose to use to wash their clothes."

"Wait, no, do not ruin the Roman Empire for me-" Lynn and Lori cried out at the same time, to no avail.

"Indeed, they used their own and others' urine to do so."

"Wow, Good way to _flush_ their hopes down" Luan said. "Wow, people here don't like humor."

"It's not particularly my favorite." Lisa said. "But the facts is stated. While the invention of soap has created a polemic to when it was invented, our urine, apart from obviously being cheap and easy to find, does a considerably satisfactory job at clearing fabric. After all, it does contain ammonia. Even considering the aroma, not the most pleasant, but they didn't mind too much."

"Ugh, I think I'm gonna puke." Lori said.

"Did I mention that, due to that same reason, it was also used as mouth rinse?"

Everyone else, sans Lana who thought it was cool, cried out in disgust. "What the hell?!" Lynn said, gagging.

"Man, if I had to deal with that, I'd be _pissed _off!" Luan punned again and laughed. "Seriously though, that is terrible."

"Romans were quick to realize that the Succedaneous, otherwise known as teeth, require hygiene. And while not the most appealing, it was used at one point, and over time it was being changed by other substances."

"I'm afraid to ask, but… what other substances?" Lori asked.

"It obviously varies from people and time. For instance, thousands of years before this very day, Egyptians used a mixture of powdered ashes of ox hooves, myrrh, powdered and burnt eggshells, and pumice, a volcanic rock formation. If we go to the future, most precisely, 19th century, we have a registers of hygiene substances involving chalk, pulverized clay brick, and/or Sodium Chloride."

"Wow, they sure were, err… creative. Still less gross than using pee, though."

"They has to adapt to what they had available, seeking for the best results. It's not different from science. We create hypothesis, and test them to observe the results."

"Can we just go to a place a bit less disgusting?" Lori asked. "I dunno, like...the Castles of Europe, and their kingdoms..._sigh,_ so romantic."

"And with such a lack of hygiene a plague killed a third of its population. Here, I'll show you."

"I- _oh come on! _You're gonna ruin that too?" Lori complained and threw her hands in the air.

"Yes, I will!" Lisa said and off they went at the push of a button.

_Northern France- 1347_

"Okay, what are you going to ruin now?" Lori asked sarcastically.

"Welcome everyone, to the France of the 14th century!"

"Well, pardon my _French_, but I would be very happy if you could maybe not make this whole thing any more fucked up than it already is." Luan said. "Though...this place looks so depressing...it looks like a city from a horror game or something."

"So what's next on the list, are we gonna keep talking about pee and poop?" Lana asked.

"Please don't give her any ideas…" Lynn pleaded. "Just don't."

"Don't worry, we don't have those in large quantities here. As you may be aware, this is the period of time which one of the most devastating diseases stroke the european population. The Bubonic plague pandemic, also known as the Black Plague."

"Oh geez, wasn't that spread by rats or something?" Lynn asked.

"Hey, it's not the rats' fault! They had to deal with fleas." Lana rebutted, crossing her arms.

"That's a fact. The disease was spread mostly through the fleas of Mus and Rattus, which bit the potential human, infecting it with _Yersinia pestis._ But due to the habits of the europeans, there was an extremely high amount of rats."

"Habits? Oh lemme guess, they left their shit everywhere or something? That's been a common theme on this trip." Lori said, rolling her eyes.

"Yes, that's something that still happens. Adding the fact of basic hygiene measures, like washing your upper appendages, having a shower more than once in a matter of months or even years. Why do you believe Europeans are known by their strong perfumes?"

"I just thought it was because they really liked perfume! Why couldn't they just shower regularly like normal human beings?"

"The nobels had to disguise their strong odors. And in their minds, the bath or shower dilated your pores, making it easier for harmful bacteria to enter your system. And due to the strong religion influence by the time, most sickness was immediately related to sinners and people from other religions." Lisa explained.

"Can this get any worse?" Lori said.

"People would still eat with their hands in this time, and share bowls. There were usually only 2 to 3 knives on a big noble lunch table, for the meats and harder dishes present on the table. Needless to say how easy diseases were transmitted."

"Well thanks, I'm the most disgusted I have ever been, and that is saying a lot, considering I live in a house with _these _two!" Lori said and pointed at Lynn and Lana, who were both picking their noses. They looked up with confused expressions.

"Heh, thank you." Lana said.

"That… wasn't a compliment."

"Um, guys, I don't wanna _rat _anyone out, but we're surrounded by these huge black rats!" Luan shrieked and pointed at the circle of rats that had formed around them. Large fleas jumped off of their backs as they growled.

"Aw, they're just hungry." Lana said.

"Yeah, hungry for our flesh!" Lynn replied, backing away.

"Lisa...for the sake of our own health...can you take us out of here?!"

"Absolutely! Oh, which civilization should we visit ne-"

"Royal Woods, Michigan, 2019!" Lori snapped the device from Lisa's hands, opening a portal which they were sucked in.

_Somewhere - somewhen_

"Okay…this isn't home. Lisa, where are we?"

"Hmm...judging from the amount of exotic vegetation and species of animals surrounding us...I'd say it's pre-history!"

"Oh, this could be cool! Maybe we'll meet Fred and-" Lana started before being interrupted.

"Yeah...no." Lori said, activating the device again.

_Royal Woods, Michigan - 2019_

"Okay….everyone is in one piece...and we're in the right decade, apparently. It's good enough for me. We have toilet paper, toothpaste, free water… it's perfect." Lynn said.

"I will never complain about the bathroom line or the cloggings again." Lori said sincerely.

"That… that whole trip was _rough, _no pun there." Luan added in.

"Am I the only one that actually enjoyed it?" Lana asked.

"Yes."

"Yes, it was a very...interesting experience to say the least." Lisa said. "So, do you understand that, when it comes to history, what's 'developed' for them isn't equal to ours. Anyone else has any comments?"

"I'm literally going to shower first!" Lori exclaimed, as she, Luan and Lynn ran out of Lisa's bedroom, only the two youngest of the group remaining.

"Can we do that again some other day?" Lana asked.

"Yes, we can and we will! Every week, in fact, with a new topic to discuss every time. Which reminds me, I need to alert our other sisters and brother that did not join us on our journey."


End file.
